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The Racism Rundown

It’s been a royally racist week on normal island as the flag shagging patriots lose their entire shit over the death of the crowned prince of prejudice Phillip Mountbatten. Waving the doctored racism report in our faces, casual and committed racists alike have come out in force to remind us that we are the real racists and we can fucking well leave if we don’t like how they and their aristocratic betters treat us.

The Racism Rundown is my weekly take on UK Twitter’s most racist accounts, their favourite Black and POC upholders of white supremacy and mealy mouthed liberals who are too pussy to go full fash!

Number 6

Making his way out of the charts, (hopefully) is the former star of Socialist Sunday, Mr Jamie Kay. With hits like ‘I follow back’ – ‘What is it with Black youths and knives’ and the timeless classic ‘I can’t be racist cos…’ Jamie peaked early and now lives between a dozen accounts, each vying to win back the love and respect of the Twitter socialist family. After his socialist façade was permanently demolished by a number of Black British Twitter accounts and their allies, Jamie has been satisfying his Twitter cravings by rebooting old accounts, setting up new accounts and joining forces with some of the vilest racists on the Twitter app to demonise his victims and clear his name. If you want to read more about Jamie’s fall from grace, click here.

Number 5

Bounding into the number 5 spot, riding Jamie’s balls like a big hairy space hopper… Heeeeeere’s Kercle. Hiding her vicious, obsessive nature behind a serene profile pic of the Lady of Shalott, Kercle likes to project the image of a tender soul, concerned with peace and unity. Scratch beneath her liberal surface and you’ll find a common or garden Karen who cries when she gets caught out using ableist language or feels the wrath of the Black women she insists should show compassion for racists like Jamie Kay. Skipping merrily past hideous examples of racial abuse to demand a more caring response to sustained harassment, ableist slurs on autistic children and attempted doxing by far right trolls, Kercle is super defensive of her Twitter reputation.

Like the subject of Tennyson’s poem, the Lady of Shalott, Kercle portrays herself as a symbol of purity and innocence. She weaves beautiful images for her Twitter following while nobody knows who the fuck she really is and, just like the lady, would immediately expire should her true form be revealed to her Camelot of Twitter followers.

Number 4

Katherine Birbalsingh is back in the spotlight at number 4. The headteacher of ‘Britain’s strictest school,’ Katherine is famed for kicking racism out of schooling, not by doing anything to tackle it, but insisting that parents disbelieve their children in the event they feel racially abused by staff members and back teachers regardless of the impact on their children’s wellbeing. This week, Katherine took to the airwaves to shame the Black and POC parents of her students on BBC Radio where she took the opportunity to reveal the depth of her disdain for the community her school serves. “They’re not as informed,” she commented, with only a hit of embarrassment, “and they might not listen to the news and so they don’t really know of the dangers that a more middle class environment might be more aware of.” When given a chance to correct her gross racial stereotyping of Black and POC, working class families, Katherine took the opportunity to further mischaracterise. “Well I don’t know, we don’t have any.. our community is…. Well it’s… I don’t know about that actually.”

Number 3

John Broadhead earned the number 3 spot through the prolific nature of his racist Twitter posts. A weather-beaten chesterfield of a man, he’s certainly seen better days, but that doesn’t stop him getting up every day and choosing violence. John’s preferred target is younger Black and brown women and when he’s not calling Zarah Sultana a ‘dog’, he can usually be found getting his crystalized rocks off providing overtly racist support to accounts who tone down their fascist output because they have jobs to lose. Now retired, John has plenty of time to spread hate with his clique of sock accounts and brown skinned assistants of white supremacy. Last seen getting ripped to shreds across the Irish Sea, John lacks the originality to make it to the top of the charts, but one to watch nonetheless.

Number 2

Straight to the top of the charts at number 2 is everyone’s least favourite racist, Willow_Bella – A.K.A -HarleyQuin01. If you’re in the UK and regularly speak out against racism, you might be familiar with this common denominator that runs through some of the UK’s most racist accounts. A consistent figure on the UK racist scene, Willow_Bella is to Twitter white nationalism, what Ghislaine Maxwell was to sex trafficking. Like a vulture, Willow circles Black accounts that come under racist attack, laughing along with white supremacists, inciting her following to report antiracists and generally being an all-round hate hag. Hates Meghan Markle and anyone remotely concerned with equality. If you whisper Black Lives Matter three times she’ll appear on your thread like a fascist Beetlejuice.

Number 1

Lurching into the number 1 spot post-mortem, it is of course the nations own klandaddy. With a whole century of white supremacy under his belt, Prince Phillip leaves all other racists in his wake. It would be wrong to deny him this final honour. So old he’s forgotten he’s not actually English, Prince Phillip has offended so many with his racially loaded insults, it would be impossible to begin to list them. Thanks to his security detail, his victims could only smile and shake his hand, rather than serve up the punch to the face he so dearly deserved. Instead, their ancestors cursed him with two permanent Black eyes that he sported for the last thirty years of his life. Well done Phillip. God Save the Queen!

Thanks for joining me for this week’s Racism Rundown. I’ll be back at the same time next week with next week’s offenders. Watch your big fat gobs racists, next time it could be you!

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